With the release of 50 Shades...just a couple of weeks away, and the movie pre-selling tickets at a rate not seen before, I thought I'd revisit this post. I've edited it a bit, but you can read the original post here.
Yes, this is a post about 50 Shades of Grey (the books & movie) and the movie Magic Mike.
No, this is not a post for or to women. So, if you are a woman and read this, you may be upset or turned off by the tone. That is OK, this post isn’t for you. (There are numerous great blog posts written from a woman’s perspective about these movies and I would encourage you to read them.)
This for your husband.
Please tell him to read it.
I have had some great conversations over the last several weeks with a friend about the book 50 Shades of Grey. It started when I made a Facebook post (leave it to Facebook) about the movie Magic Mike. As I read post after post about women excited to go see this movie about the plight of male strippers, I wondered how many wives were excited years ago when their husbands wanted to go see the movie Striptease (remember Demi Moore and her movie about the plight of female strippers).
That led to a great conversation about the book 50 Shades of Grey, culture, and the part a follower of Jesus has in culture. This post isn’t about that. Another time. Another place.
This is a post about you, the husband, being the Spiritual leader of your home. This is a post about being asleep on the bus you are driving (even if you don't think you are driving it, you are). This is a post about you knowing what is going on and what you are protecting (or not) your family from. PLEASE…do not think, in any way I believe that a husband should (or has the right or calling or expectation to) “rule”, “control”, or “dictate to” their wife, kids, or family. If you believe that, you need to go back and see how Christ loved us, because that is our model (read Ephesians 5:25, then the Gospels to see what that verse means in action). That being said, I do believe as head of the home, we will be held accountable for how we have led (or not) our family.
As Christ is the head (covenant head) of the Church, we husbands are the head of our marriage and family. This means we take responsibility for the covenant of our marriage and the relationship, just as Christ did. He died for us and took our sin on His shoulders; that’s what being the head means. Think of yourself as the pastor. Your family is your church. As pastor, you are responsible for the flock.
So, do you know what your wife is reading? Watching?
Do you care? If not, you should!
I strongly believe that we husbands will answer for what we've allowed to happen on our watch. We will answer for why we allowed our kids to be exposed to things they’ve been exposed to while we sat idly by. The same is true for our wives. You need to play a role in leading discussions about what, if any, media and/or entertainment should be going on in your home, and if you are comfortable with it. If not, then you need to say something. Talk it out...remember, it is still a discussion (that means you both talk, share thoughts, and opinions.) Odds are, you and your spouse will both grow if you come from a position of love, not control.
Simply put: LEAD.
You may never have tell your wife you would prefer her not to read or watch something.
But at least have the guts to have the conversation. At least be able to ask her, "Do you think going to see 50 Shades of Grey is a good idea?"
By the way, husbands...if and when you ask this, you better check yourself first! If you are in 8 fantasy leagues, go bowling two nights a week, but aren't reading your Bible, leading, praying, taking your family to church, then I have a suggestion: Model First!
Don't you dare ask your wife to do (or not do something) you aren't willing to do (or not do) first. Don't you dare call her out, when you are anything but the Spiritual leader in your home.
Don't you dare!
Men, we can do this. With Jesus as our guide and model, we can lead our families, love our wives, raise our kids.
We just have to have the guts to.